Welcome to the Church of Pensions. I am your pastor, Rest. Vest Edward Wright. But you can call me Vested.
First a big thank you to the police and fire league, for your generosity in building a new sanctuary. Sometimes I wonder if there’s any limit to the amount of cash you have available to give us.
Speaking of which, it’s time for the offering. I’m going to pass the plates down the aisles, and I ask each of you to contribute to the church as generously as you…
Wait, just kidding! We never ask you to put up your own money at the Church of Pensions. It’s so much better to rely on the investment returns.
Anyway, Happy New Year. The passage of time is always important here at our Church. The culture outside still celebrates youth, but we know that getting old just means getting rich.
For those who are new to our congregation – and it’s good to see new faces, particularly after all those years of government layoffs during the recession – we’re a very special kind of church in that we have space for all of the world’s religions, except those that insist on paying back bondholders.
Many of the world’s religions believe that each human has a spirit or a soul that is immortal. That spirit or soul remains, no matter what other earthly concerns may intrude and seem more urgent. We accept this teaching, but we think it’s incomplete. There’s another thing that’s immortal, that can’t be changed no matter. And that immortal thing, the soul of our church, is the pension obligation.
That’s why you hear so much that these obligations, including vested rights, can’t be changed. Now, there are some people in certain parts of the world – federal bankruptcy judges in Detroit, mayors in San Jose – who think otherwise. But we know they are wrong. Pensions are forever. They are a promise that no Chapter 9 filing or ballot initiative can change.
